That's Why, I Say...

In a week where I had a show date fall apart, I had my people sell me out on some other shit, family act like they were stuck on stupid, one person didn't do what they were supposed to to while another person did some other shit outta left field and then turned around to tell me that tha whole shit was my fault, I had the pleasure of watching my Dallas Cowboys getting their asses handed to them by the New York Giants on MNF

That being said, I'm sure you can understand why I have this look on my face, shit its only Tuesday.

The Mercury Retrograde hasn't even started yet and already about 75 percent of my world is turned upside down. Am I complaining? Nope. You know why?

I had a few days of solitude this weekend whch allowed me to refocus. My conclusion was something like that song from tha Dave Chappelle show with the Sesame Street sketch.

Thass why, I say... Fuck it

One thing about indifference, it's quite liberating. Becoming indifferent allows you a freedom that normally you would not have. The trick to being indifferent is knowing when to be indifferent to the bullshit. You don't wanna become totally indifferent to everything because once you decide to stop, you risk finding your situation even more dire, but it does allow you a brief reprise from the everyday stress. Work, friends, family, fuck it. It'll be alright. Trust me on this

Really.

Another thing I've found about being indifferent, you'd be surprised how many things work themselves out. I'm enjoying the new practice of turning my phone off for extended periods of time. This is a trick I learned from someone who would do this and leave me having to deal with fixing all of the problems that he could not be reached to fix.

But then I learned how to cut my phone off too...

It was beautiful.

My advice to you during this upcoming retrograde is to play it cool, let shit go, and dig yourself into your work. they say you are not supposed to start anything new during a retrograde so this time I just intend to have as much fun as possible.

Doing what you ask? Just being indifferent.

Priest Forever

Transition

I seem to remember someone once saying to me that I am a person who is reluctant to change. This is a fact that I fully embrace about myself. Transition has never been an easy thing for me. Not because I've ever feared it, just because it seems at times as though my life is an never ending cycle of transition and sometimes you just don't feel like making another one.

For as long as I can remember it's been "Go Here, Change This, Move There, Live Here." After so many years of chaos, upheaval, and constant change, eventually you get to a point in life where you have to make everything stop spinning long enough to try to make sense out of what is going on around you. Don't you? I mean, it would make sense right?

The thought had occurred to me this past week, after being stuck in a state of limbo, having to await phone calls from various people who needed to tell me what I was doing next or how I was supposed to move forward, that this is not a very proactive approach to obtaining peace in life. If I were to continue to allow myself to exist in an state of flux I would be doing a disservice to myself and those around me. Unfortunately, the only way to remedy said situation, involves even more changes.

Therein lies the dilemma.

Recently, I've had someone point out to me that things can't always be the same. After having time to think about that statement, I believe that maybe they were right. Since evolution is a continuing process, it is only natural that you will outgrow situations, places and people. Yes, It's hard when you wake up one day and are forced to question the very foundation of what you have built, even harder when you realize that the only way to move forward is to leave a place that you love or the people you have struggled with because of the pain and redundancy that it causes you to continue be there.

I love living in New York City and after living in different places and traveling around tha world, I know that in some way, it will always be home for me. I love the people in my life. I love the sound of cars driving over the asphalt of these city streets in the rain. I will NEVER give up my Hungry Ham membership card or the people who I live to love...

But to quote Sam Cooke, "I know a change is gonna come"

Anything that remains stagnant is destined to die a slow death. I've never been the most religious of people, but I do believe in some cases a higher spirit removes situations and people from your life in order to prepare you for the next phase of your life. It is something we all experience. Some use the expression "Let go and Let God" to describe it. Coming to terms with it however, is something completely different.

So as I prepare myself for the next phase of my life and career, I assess what is really important to me and accept the fact that transition, although uncomfortable at times, is always necessary.

Pretty insightful for a Emcee huh?

Martin Scorcese, Niggaz, Garbage Cans and Loyalty

Loyalty.

Recently I went to the movie theatre to see "The Departed" which is a movie about loyalty. A argument broke out in the theater between 2 females that had positions that they were both loyal to. One woman was loyal to the idea that she could talk on the telephone during the movie while the other woman was loyal to the idea that she deserved to watch the movie in peace.

The argument escalated and the woman who wanted to talk on the phone kept getting louder and louder (which I will assume was her idea of being loyal to acting ghetto). As she and her boyfriend walked down the stairs of the movie theater, her boyfriend, (in what I can only assume was a demonstration of loyalty to her,) picked up a garbage can and threw it into the middle of the movie theater at a group of people who had nothing to do with the initial confusion. The only thing these people had done was be "loyal" to the idea of sitting through all of the bullshit that was going on in an attempt to see this movie and what was their reward for that? A giant trash can to tha head.

Ahh, gotta love that Loyalty.

Loyalty will make you question who and what are you really loyal to. What do you believe, what do you stand for. Loyalty is an easy thing to hold as an idea, but not always an easy thing to practice. Too often I've seen loyalty come back and bite you in the ass. Either you were too loyal to someone and found yourself sacrificing what you want for them or you were not loyal enough to them and somehow caused them to be disappointed in your actions. Sometimes it's both.

In my strongest moments I've been both loyal and disloyal. Whether it was to an idea, belief or person, I've executed both with a certain level of ferocity that would be hard to explain. Sometimes I've regretted that and sometimes I've stood by my convictions. I've had people that were around me profess to be loyal only to do things that I viewed as deliberate acts of betrayal. In my heart I still haven't learned to forgive that, but fuck it, I'm a work in progress. I spoke to a dear friend tonight, he told me a tale of loyalty whereas he did a good deed for someone and they reciprocated to him totally unexpectedly. That story convinced me that loyalty exists, maybe I just don't get to experience it on that level. they say the creator has a master plan though, right?

Riiiiiiight.

Anyway, me being loyal to finding out how "The Departed" ends, I went back to the movie to see it this past weekend. I found the ending to be worth the trouble (and the last scene in the movie, I could soooo relate to). That being said, I've come to this conclusion.

Loyalty itself is an idea that can be just as elusive as any other dream. For now though, I gotta believe that it works better in the movies than it does in real life

Priest