Priest and his perfect imperfections

I got a lotta shit with me, I know this. It's because of the voices in my head. The same voices that drive me creatively also are the same voices that sometimes cause me to make bad decisions. As of late though, I have made some pretty good ones.

With the coming of a new year, I stopped to think about some of the decisions that I had made and some of the people that influenced them. I also came to terms with a few things. I decided to write this blog on them because maybe if you know that I have gone thru some things, it can help you. Here are 5 things I found out about myself this past year that I am learning to deal with.


1. It's not my responsibility to save the world.

All my life I have had this "Superman" complex. I've spent years trying to fix situations with the people I care about that were not really not my concern. This past year I started the process of learning to say "Fuck It" like everyone else around me seems to do and I must say it has made my life a lot less complicated. People are gonna be who they are, do what they wanna do and I cant change that. God bless them


2. I gotta learn to forgive myself

Guilt is a funny thing. It will consume you if you let it. Outsiders who know that you fight with guilt will attempt to use that against you. I walk around with SOOOO much on my head sometimes that it get really difficult to deal. I always held my feelings in and told myself "I'll deal with it later" but now things have reached a point where all the stuff I've Id put to the side is impeding my forward progress. While I can find it in my heart to forgive other people, I still beat myself up. I'm gonna try to work on that this year.


3. I have to let go of people who are counter productive to what it is I am trying to do

I had a conversation with someone very close to me last week. I said to her, I gotta get rid of some of these negative people around me because they are causing me to regress. She said, "I coulda told you that 10 years ago." You know what, she woulda been right. I've always been loyal to my friends, but my friends haven't always been loyal to me. Not all of my friends want the same things I want in life. Some friends because of their reckless behavior put me in positions that could jeopardize everything I've worked for years to build. I cant have that, so Its time to make room for new friends and appreciate the old ones for what they gave me.


4. I'm no saint, but I'm not a total bastard either

I mean, we all have a dark side. I've really regretted some of the things that I have done just like everyone else. I used to be really spiteful when I was younger but I have outgrown that. I might forgive someone who has done me wrong, but I never forget (so does that mean I really forgave?). Now I'm at a point at life that when I let someone pull me out of my character, I'm more upset with myself for letting anyone make me act as If I too, am totally uncivilized. All of that being said, I have never done anything with the INTENT of purposely hurting anyone. Well, at least if I did its because they might've deserved it at the time but at least I always apologized. Overall I am not a bad guy though. I wake up everyday trying to be a better person than I was the day before. That's got to count for something, right?


5. Overall I'm blessed.

No matter how hard things get they could always be worse. If it sounds cliche, it is because it is true. I have traveled the world doing something I love to do. I am blessed with my daughters and my dysfunctional family and friends. I am blessed with talent and I have a profession that enables me to pay my bills doing something I would probably do anyway. I have my health, a roof over my head and I'm alive. A lot of the people I have known in life are not here anymore so I appreciate everything that I have and every day that I am able to enjoy it. I could complain but who would listen anyway? Its really all about finding the positive things and trying to adopt that kind of attitude. I have gotten knocked down so many times in my life that I don't know how to do anything else but get up. The fact that I can get up means it all to me.

What are 5 things that you have learned about yourself this past year?

30 Days (originally posted Dec 1)

Question: If you had just one thing about yourself that you wanted to change, and If you had 30 days to focus on it what would it be?

Someone once told me that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit (and no it was not Morgan Spurlock) Like anyone else who has taken a long hard look at themselves and wanted to change a thing or two, I gave this concept some serious thought. There are a couple of things I would like to change about myself and I decided to give them some serious examination

I'm not talking about anything superficial like my looks or anything, I'm talking about breaking cycles and bad habits. This is more serious than any new year's resolution bullshit, this is about self examination and discipline. How many cycles do you carry? Are your actions based on habitual behaviors, or are they really necessary routines that reflect your current life situation?

I know I carry a lot of things with me from my past so I have decided to conciously try and let go of a few of them. Which things I will be letting go of I haven't decided yet, but I will be letting them go. I've actually let go of some of the people around me and although it wasn't easy, I made it thru to find situations that were better for me. Now I'm kinda anxious to see what else I can get rid of. Old beefs (Hell NO), the usage of the N-Word (probably not), my paranoia (Never!!) I'm thinking though, maybe I am giving up my fear of change and thass a good thing no matter what.

I can say that I am happy, and some parts of me haven't been that for so long that I didn't even realize I WAS unhappy. That being said, for the next 30 days, I am going to take some steps toward my self improvement. I'm going to take them one day at a time and allow myself to make mistakes in the process. I'll keep you posted on how it goes...

In the meantime, If you had just one thing about yourself that you wanted to change, and If you had 30 days to focus on it what would it be? Tell me, I'd like to hear from you so holla back.

Priest Forever

See If you Can Guess Where I Am Now... (originally posted 11.27)

So I went to Portland Oregon this weekend. We had a show with Angie Stone. I had never seen her perform before and I must say that she is one talented performer. She has the whole game down. I also find her story quite inspiring. for those of you who don't know Angie Stone used to be Angie B and she was one of the female MC's in the group "Sequence" that was on Sugarhill records back in tha day. (Dig That! If I'da been thinkin I woulda brought my copy with me to have her sign it.) Anyway, back to what I was saying.

It was bad enough that I had to travel over the thanksgiving holiday, but having to deal with the tha T.S.A. (which I always thought stood for "Those Stupid Asses") was another thing altogether. I don't like the fact that I have to go through all this bullshit to have my toiletries rummaged through, but I've done that rant already. I found Portland to be very peaceful. I've been through there a couple of times before, but never more than the usual get off tha plane, go to tha hotel, go to the show, get back on the plane and leave bit. It wasn't much different this time, however I must say I was at peace. I don't know if it was as much Portland as it was some of the changes that I have gone through in my life, whatever it was though, it was pleasant. I'm at a point where I will take that If I can get that.

Other than that it was really an quite uneventful trip. This pic of me sitting in tha airport is just me in Denver waiting to go standby. I ended up getting bumped up to first class and watching that movie about Uma Thurman being some kinda ex girlfriend who's a superhero. Well, It was on, I didn't watch it, I don't stay awake when I fly, but we've covered that too I think.

Well let's see what this week brings, I'm sure I will find something else to blog about...

Priest Forever