Priest and his perfect imperfections

I got a lotta shit with me, I know this. It's because of the voices in my head. The same voices that drive me creatively also are the same voices that sometimes cause me to make bad decisions. As of late though, I have made some pretty good ones.

With the coming of a new year, I stopped to think about some of the decisions that I had made and some of the people that influenced them. I also came to terms with a few things. I decided to write this blog on them because maybe if you know that I have gone thru some things, it can help you. Here are 5 things I found out about myself this past year that I am learning to deal with.


1. It's not my responsibility to save the world.

All my life I have had this "Superman" complex. I've spent years trying to fix situations with the people I care about that were not really not my concern. This past year I started the process of learning to say "Fuck It" like everyone else around me seems to do and I must say it has made my life a lot less complicated. People are gonna be who they are, do what they wanna do and I cant change that. God bless them


2. I gotta learn to forgive myself

Guilt is a funny thing. It will consume you if you let it. Outsiders who know that you fight with guilt will attempt to use that against you. I walk around with SOOOO much on my head sometimes that it get really difficult to deal. I always held my feelings in and told myself "I'll deal with it later" but now things have reached a point where all the stuff I've Id put to the side is impeding my forward progress. While I can find it in my heart to forgive other people, I still beat myself up. I'm gonna try to work on that this year.


3. I have to let go of people who are counter productive to what it is I am trying to do

I had a conversation with someone very close to me last week. I said to her, I gotta get rid of some of these negative people around me because they are causing me to regress. She said, "I coulda told you that 10 years ago." You know what, she woulda been right. I've always been loyal to my friends, but my friends haven't always been loyal to me. Not all of my friends want the same things I want in life. Some friends because of their reckless behavior put me in positions that could jeopardize everything I've worked for years to build. I cant have that, so Its time to make room for new friends and appreciate the old ones for what they gave me.


4. I'm no saint, but I'm not a total bastard either

I mean, we all have a dark side. I've really regretted some of the things that I have done just like everyone else. I used to be really spiteful when I was younger but I have outgrown that. I might forgive someone who has done me wrong, but I never forget (so does that mean I really forgave?). Now I'm at a point at life that when I let someone pull me out of my character, I'm more upset with myself for letting anyone make me act as If I too, am totally uncivilized. All of that being said, I have never done anything with the INTENT of purposely hurting anyone. Well, at least if I did its because they might've deserved it at the time but at least I always apologized. Overall I am not a bad guy though. I wake up everyday trying to be a better person than I was the day before. That's got to count for something, right?


5. Overall I'm blessed.

No matter how hard things get they could always be worse. If it sounds cliche, it is because it is true. I have traveled the world doing something I love to do. I am blessed with my daughters and my dysfunctional family and friends. I am blessed with talent and I have a profession that enables me to pay my bills doing something I would probably do anyway. I have my health, a roof over my head and I'm alive. A lot of the people I have known in life are not here anymore so I appreciate everything that I have and every day that I am able to enjoy it. I could complain but who would listen anyway? Its really all about finding the positive things and trying to adopt that kind of attitude. I have gotten knocked down so many times in my life that I don't know how to do anything else but get up. The fact that I can get up means it all to me.

What are 5 things that you have learned about yourself this past year?

30 Days (originally posted Dec 1)

Question: If you had just one thing about yourself that you wanted to change, and If you had 30 days to focus on it what would it be?

Someone once told me that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit (and no it was not Morgan Spurlock) Like anyone else who has taken a long hard look at themselves and wanted to change a thing or two, I gave this concept some serious thought. There are a couple of things I would like to change about myself and I decided to give them some serious examination

I'm not talking about anything superficial like my looks or anything, I'm talking about breaking cycles and bad habits. This is more serious than any new year's resolution bullshit, this is about self examination and discipline. How many cycles do you carry? Are your actions based on habitual behaviors, or are they really necessary routines that reflect your current life situation?

I know I carry a lot of things with me from my past so I have decided to conciously try and let go of a few of them. Which things I will be letting go of I haven't decided yet, but I will be letting them go. I've actually let go of some of the people around me and although it wasn't easy, I made it thru to find situations that were better for me. Now I'm kinda anxious to see what else I can get rid of. Old beefs (Hell NO), the usage of the N-Word (probably not), my paranoia (Never!!) I'm thinking though, maybe I am giving up my fear of change and thass a good thing no matter what.

I can say that I am happy, and some parts of me haven't been that for so long that I didn't even realize I WAS unhappy. That being said, for the next 30 days, I am going to take some steps toward my self improvement. I'm going to take them one day at a time and allow myself to make mistakes in the process. I'll keep you posted on how it goes...

In the meantime, If you had just one thing about yourself that you wanted to change, and If you had 30 days to focus on it what would it be? Tell me, I'd like to hear from you so holla back.

Priest Forever

See If you Can Guess Where I Am Now... (originally posted 11.27)

So I went to Portland Oregon this weekend. We had a show with Angie Stone. I had never seen her perform before and I must say that she is one talented performer. She has the whole game down. I also find her story quite inspiring. for those of you who don't know Angie Stone used to be Angie B and she was one of the female MC's in the group "Sequence" that was on Sugarhill records back in tha day. (Dig That! If I'da been thinkin I woulda brought my copy with me to have her sign it.) Anyway, back to what I was saying.

It was bad enough that I had to travel over the thanksgiving holiday, but having to deal with the tha T.S.A. (which I always thought stood for "Those Stupid Asses") was another thing altogether. I don't like the fact that I have to go through all this bullshit to have my toiletries rummaged through, but I've done that rant already. I found Portland to be very peaceful. I've been through there a couple of times before, but never more than the usual get off tha plane, go to tha hotel, go to the show, get back on the plane and leave bit. It wasn't much different this time, however I must say I was at peace. I don't know if it was as much Portland as it was some of the changes that I have gone through in my life, whatever it was though, it was pleasant. I'm at a point where I will take that If I can get that.

Other than that it was really an quite uneventful trip. This pic of me sitting in tha airport is just me in Denver waiting to go standby. I ended up getting bumped up to first class and watching that movie about Uma Thurman being some kinda ex girlfriend who's a superhero. Well, It was on, I didn't watch it, I don't stay awake when I fly, but we've covered that too I think.

Well let's see what this week brings, I'm sure I will find something else to blog about...

Priest Forever

Parties And Bullshit

So I'm supposed to be at a party right now that is being thrown by Tha Beatminerz for the CMJ in New York City this week. As much as I enjoy hearing them do their thing, and as badly as I need to be out networking, I'm sitting here at the computer watching TV. I swear to you I believe that If they had a cable channel called "Tha Scarface Channel" and all they did was show the movie "Scarface" 24 hours a day without commercial interruption, I believe niggaz would watch it. I know I would. Anyway, getting back to my point. I just don't feel like it tonight. Not just going to the party, I just don't feel like being "Priest" today.

I know that Mercury is in retrograde because I see the signs everywhere. I'm playing it cool, focusing on my work, and cutting my grass in order to see the snakes around me. I came to the realization last night that I'm gonna have to scrap my "Best Of Priest" mixtape because in reviewing the material, its not really the "Best Of Priest" it's more like a collection of stuff thass just been sitting around and not doing anything. I'm going to put it together though and make it what it needs to be. I will HAVE to think of another title for it though.

Don't get it twisted, It's still miles above that bullshit that you hear on ya Hot 97 everyday (not that that's saying much, ) It's just that I tend to record more music than I could ever hope to put out, so while its new to anyone who never heard it, its old to me by the time you do. Another problem is that the perfectionist in me will always find something wrong with it. I know all artists go through this but I swear I don't know if its my OCD but it just has to feel right before I put it out. So I say that to say that my deadline is not looking good.

Not only that but I gotta finish mixing tha new John O Mixtape as well as "The Gecko Brothas" EP and I'm just a lil overwhelmed right now. I'm moving, getting ready to leave town, and I'm undergoing the process of reevaluating some of the people in my life and whether I need them around me to continue forward or not. Suffice it to say its been a lil shaky on this end. If not for my babies and my music I swear that I would be up in a steeple with a shotgun sometimes. I feel a little better right this second though, cause I turned to the Clippers / Nuggets game and Carmelo Anthony just got ejected. That shows me I'm not tha only one who doesn't feel like playing games today.

I say this because I read 3 blogs from other artists today who are all going thru tha same kinda shit. I decided to post mine to let them as well as other people know that we all go thru things like this at certain times in life. The trick is not to let them beat you. The adversity of the world is not gonna go anywhere so you can only do what you can do to deal with it the best you can. In the end thass all you can do.

As for me I wont be going to any party tonight, I've got too much work to do. Maybe next time.

That's Why, I Say...

In a week where I had a show date fall apart, I had my people sell me out on some other shit, family act like they were stuck on stupid, one person didn't do what they were supposed to to while another person did some other shit outta left field and then turned around to tell me that tha whole shit was my fault, I had the pleasure of watching my Dallas Cowboys getting their asses handed to them by the New York Giants on MNF

That being said, I'm sure you can understand why I have this look on my face, shit its only Tuesday.

The Mercury Retrograde hasn't even started yet and already about 75 percent of my world is turned upside down. Am I complaining? Nope. You know why?

I had a few days of solitude this weekend whch allowed me to refocus. My conclusion was something like that song from tha Dave Chappelle show with the Sesame Street sketch.

Thass why, I say... Fuck it

One thing about indifference, it's quite liberating. Becoming indifferent allows you a freedom that normally you would not have. The trick to being indifferent is knowing when to be indifferent to the bullshit. You don't wanna become totally indifferent to everything because once you decide to stop, you risk finding your situation even more dire, but it does allow you a brief reprise from the everyday stress. Work, friends, family, fuck it. It'll be alright. Trust me on this

Really.

Another thing I've found about being indifferent, you'd be surprised how many things work themselves out. I'm enjoying the new practice of turning my phone off for extended periods of time. This is a trick I learned from someone who would do this and leave me having to deal with fixing all of the problems that he could not be reached to fix.

But then I learned how to cut my phone off too...

It was beautiful.

My advice to you during this upcoming retrograde is to play it cool, let shit go, and dig yourself into your work. they say you are not supposed to start anything new during a retrograde so this time I just intend to have as much fun as possible.

Doing what you ask? Just being indifferent.

Priest Forever

Transition

I seem to remember someone once saying to me that I am a person who is reluctant to change. This is a fact that I fully embrace about myself. Transition has never been an easy thing for me. Not because I've ever feared it, just because it seems at times as though my life is an never ending cycle of transition and sometimes you just don't feel like making another one.

For as long as I can remember it's been "Go Here, Change This, Move There, Live Here." After so many years of chaos, upheaval, and constant change, eventually you get to a point in life where you have to make everything stop spinning long enough to try to make sense out of what is going on around you. Don't you? I mean, it would make sense right?

The thought had occurred to me this past week, after being stuck in a state of limbo, having to await phone calls from various people who needed to tell me what I was doing next or how I was supposed to move forward, that this is not a very proactive approach to obtaining peace in life. If I were to continue to allow myself to exist in an state of flux I would be doing a disservice to myself and those around me. Unfortunately, the only way to remedy said situation, involves even more changes.

Therein lies the dilemma.

Recently, I've had someone point out to me that things can't always be the same. After having time to think about that statement, I believe that maybe they were right. Since evolution is a continuing process, it is only natural that you will outgrow situations, places and people. Yes, It's hard when you wake up one day and are forced to question the very foundation of what you have built, even harder when you realize that the only way to move forward is to leave a place that you love or the people you have struggled with because of the pain and redundancy that it causes you to continue be there.

I love living in New York City and after living in different places and traveling around tha world, I know that in some way, it will always be home for me. I love the people in my life. I love the sound of cars driving over the asphalt of these city streets in the rain. I will NEVER give up my Hungry Ham membership card or the people who I live to love...

But to quote Sam Cooke, "I know a change is gonna come"

Anything that remains stagnant is destined to die a slow death. I've never been the most religious of people, but I do believe in some cases a higher spirit removes situations and people from your life in order to prepare you for the next phase of your life. It is something we all experience. Some use the expression "Let go and Let God" to describe it. Coming to terms with it however, is something completely different.

So as I prepare myself for the next phase of my life and career, I assess what is really important to me and accept the fact that transition, although uncomfortable at times, is always necessary.

Pretty insightful for a Emcee huh?

Martin Scorcese, Niggaz, Garbage Cans and Loyalty

Loyalty.

Recently I went to the movie theatre to see "The Departed" which is a movie about loyalty. A argument broke out in the theater between 2 females that had positions that they were both loyal to. One woman was loyal to the idea that she could talk on the telephone during the movie while the other woman was loyal to the idea that she deserved to watch the movie in peace.

The argument escalated and the woman who wanted to talk on the phone kept getting louder and louder (which I will assume was her idea of being loyal to acting ghetto). As she and her boyfriend walked down the stairs of the movie theater, her boyfriend, (in what I can only assume was a demonstration of loyalty to her,) picked up a garbage can and threw it into the middle of the movie theater at a group of people who had nothing to do with the initial confusion. The only thing these people had done was be "loyal" to the idea of sitting through all of the bullshit that was going on in an attempt to see this movie and what was their reward for that? A giant trash can to tha head.

Ahh, gotta love that Loyalty.

Loyalty will make you question who and what are you really loyal to. What do you believe, what do you stand for. Loyalty is an easy thing to hold as an idea, but not always an easy thing to practice. Too often I've seen loyalty come back and bite you in the ass. Either you were too loyal to someone and found yourself sacrificing what you want for them or you were not loyal enough to them and somehow caused them to be disappointed in your actions. Sometimes it's both.

In my strongest moments I've been both loyal and disloyal. Whether it was to an idea, belief or person, I've executed both with a certain level of ferocity that would be hard to explain. Sometimes I've regretted that and sometimes I've stood by my convictions. I've had people that were around me profess to be loyal only to do things that I viewed as deliberate acts of betrayal. In my heart I still haven't learned to forgive that, but fuck it, I'm a work in progress. I spoke to a dear friend tonight, he told me a tale of loyalty whereas he did a good deed for someone and they reciprocated to him totally unexpectedly. That story convinced me that loyalty exists, maybe I just don't get to experience it on that level. they say the creator has a master plan though, right?

Riiiiiiight.

Anyway, me being loyal to finding out how "The Departed" ends, I went back to the movie to see it this past weekend. I found the ending to be worth the trouble (and the last scene in the movie, I could soooo relate to). That being said, I've come to this conclusion.

Loyalty itself is an idea that can be just as elusive as any other dream. For now though, I gotta believe that it works better in the movies than it does in real life

Priest

Another Day Another Airport

I was told this is me getting my "Maxwell" look on.

Ever since Sept 11th happened, I REALLY dislike flying. Not that I was ever crazy about it before, its just that now you have a whole other set of assholes to worry about. I don't mean the supposed terrorists either, I mean the TSA. These stupid assed terror alerts and "Elevated" levels of security are ridiculous. I've always believed that this whole "War On Terror" has more to do with government defense and security contracts than with anything else but that is another story for another blog. Right here I'm complaining about tha ass clowns who do security screenings in the airports.

A few weeks back I was coming back to NYC from Detroit, and it just so happened that Ice Cube and his entourage was all going thru the security checkpoint at the same time. Now these silly ass screeners were so giddy over Ice cube and his crew being there that they held everyone else up while they were waiting to get autographs and take pictures. None of them even noticed that Danny Glover was standing further back on tha line. I looked back at him and he looked at what was going on and shot me a look like "Would you look at this shit" I looked at him like "Yeah I hear you man" What's more is, I had a big assed bottle of Chocolate Milk in my bag that no one noticed because they were too busy being star struck.

The real bullshit is that they just came out and said that you couldn't build a bomb with liquids that you sneak on a plane anyway so what's the point?

Anyway, that aside, I also wanna say that I wish people would stop telling me how "knocked out" I was when I wake up upon landings. I know I was sleeping, that was the idea. The plan is always to sleep on tha plane so as not to have to have conversations with people while on them.

Damn, flying.

Summer Sickness

You see, after yet another summer of continuing to work for and with people by whom I feel I am under-appreciated by, I have taken this very moment to stop and re-evaluate how it is I spent my summer with hopes that I can better manage my time. Right now I think these are the top 5 things i'm fed up with

10. I'm sick of hearing records made by niggas with southern accents that rap in "Slave-speak"

9. I'm sick of having to play said records at clubs for a buncha grown-assed people who should know betta.

8. I'm sick of my cellphone, everything it stands for, and everything that comes with it.

7. I'm sick of not sleeping and not being allowed to sleep once I do finally pass out from exhaustion.

6. I'm sick of having to deal with tempermental artists that act like spoiled brats all tha goddamn time.

5. I'm sick of wack ass promoters who barely know how to do their jobs but think they know how to do mine.

4. I'm sick of going through airport security and being screened by idiots who wouldn't know what a bomb looked like if you had it strapped across your forehead.

3. I'm sick of flaky, hateful, envious, phony superficial assed people who play games about taking care of business and say they are gonna do stuff that they never get around to doing.

2. I'm sick of being surrounded by niggas who are scared of revolution.

and my number one thing that i'm most sick of right now is...

1. I'm sick of complaining about the things that I'm sick of.

Here is tha camera pic that I tried to add in the last post

Bathroom Camera Phone Pic

I added this because I realized that a cameraphone pic is something every blog apparently must have. I took this in a bathroom at the Hilton Hotel in San Jose a few weeks back. Tha Razr phone may be a piece of crap, but it takes decent pics. Anyway lemme catch this plane.

One

Once again its on!!!

Tha Priest Blog
Looks Like Im back in effect. This heat is enough to make you crazy in New York right now. Ima about to get on a plane to go to St Louis (where I lived for a time,) to do a show. Its 92 degrees already and I am not looking forward to getting on this plane but whatever.

After a year of not blogging, im gonna step my game up. I cant believe its been a year but suffice it to say that when you are doing everything by yourself, some things fall by the wayside. I'm on it now though. As for the music, I cant get into everything that is happening just yet but let's just say that some things are about to pop off.

That is if politics dont come into play, but im trying to adopt a optimistic attitude on this so we'll see how things play out

Stay tuned people