I got a lotta shit with me, I know this. It's because of the voices in my head. The same voices that drive me creatively also are the same voices that sometimes cause me to make bad decisions. As of late though, I have made some pretty good ones.
With the coming of a new year, I stopped to think about some of the decisions that I had made and some of the people that influenced them. I also came to terms with a few things. I decided to write this blog on them because maybe if you know that I have gone thru some things, it can help you. Here are 5 things I found out about myself this past year that I am learning to deal with.
1. It's not my responsibility to save the world.
All my life I have had this "Superman" complex. I've spent years trying to fix situations with the people I care about that were not really not my concern. This past year I started the process of learning to say "Fuck It" like everyone else around me seems to do and I must say it has made my life a lot less complicated. People are gonna be who they are, do what they wanna do and I cant change that. God bless them
2. I gotta learn to forgive myself
Guilt is a funny thing. It will consume you if you let it. Outsiders who know that you fight with guilt will attempt to use that against you. I walk around with SOOOO much on my head sometimes that it get really difficult to deal. I always held my feelings in and told myself "I'll deal with it later" but now things have reached a point where all the stuff I've Id put to the side is impeding my forward progress. While I can find it in my heart to forgive other people, I still beat myself up. I'm gonna try to work on that this year.
3. I have to let go of people who are counter productive to what it is I am trying to do
I had a conversation with someone very close to me last week. I said to her, I gotta get rid of some of these negative people around me because they are causing me to regress. She said, "I coulda told you that 10 years ago." You know what, she woulda been right. I've always been loyal to my friends, but my friends haven't always been loyal to me. Not all of my friends want the same things I want in life. Some friends because of their reckless behavior put me in positions that could jeopardize everything I've worked for years to build. I cant have that, so Its time to make room for new friends and appreciate the old ones for what they gave me.
4. I'm no saint, but I'm not a total bastard either
I mean, we all have a dark side. I've really regretted some of the things that I have done just like everyone else. I used to be really spiteful when I was younger but I have outgrown that. I might forgive someone who has done me wrong, but I never forget (so does that mean I really forgave?). Now I'm at a point at life that when I let someone pull me out of my character, I'm more upset with myself for letting anyone make me act as If I too, am totally uncivilized. All of that being said, I have never done anything with the INTENT of purposely hurting anyone. Well, at least if I did its because they might've deserved it at the time but at least I always apologized. Overall I am not a bad guy though. I wake up everyday trying to be a better person than I was the day before. That's got to count for something, right?
5. Overall I'm blessed.
No matter how hard things get they could always be worse. If it sounds cliche, it is because it is true. I have traveled the world doing something I love to do. I am blessed with my daughters and my dysfunctional family and friends. I am blessed with talent and I have a profession that enables me to pay my bills doing something I would probably do anyway. I have my health, a roof over my head and I'm alive. A lot of the people I have known in life are not here anymore so I appreciate everything that I have and every day that I am able to enjoy it. I could complain but who would listen anyway? Its really all about finding the positive things and trying to adopt that kind of attitude. I have gotten knocked down so many times in my life that I don't know how to do anything else but get up. The fact that I can get up means it all to me.
What are 5 things that you have learned about yourself this past year?
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